How Do I Live
by Ang Zirconium
Summary: this story starts off as a song fic, but i might continue it. - dead
1. Chapter 1

How Do I Live

_**This is my new Songfic it starts off with a song fic but I plan on making it a full fanfic. **_

_**But I might just leave it as is. **_

Chapter 1  
>Dreams and Reality<p>

_Reba's smiled filled the entire car as she drove with her parents to the church in a few minutes she would marry the love of her life. But as she drove her parents slowly faded away and a box of papers appeared in the passenger seat. As she drove she carefully looked through them. They were letters from Brock, saying that he was alright and that he hopped to be home soon. Confused she just kept driving to the church. She got there and she knew something was off. The men in military uniforms opened the church doors and the bouquet of white and purple flowers slipped from her fingers as she saw the casket at the end of the isle. She saw the faces of people she knew all stained with tears of sorrow and faces twisted into expressions of pain and unbearable sorrow. Reba forced her legs to work and slowly made her way down the isle. Her dress went from the beautiful white to a coal black as she got closer to the casket. Tears slipped down her face as it sunk in that it was Brock lying at the end of the isle. When she got to the casket they handed her a folded flag as the pastor said some words. Then the gun shot went off._  
>Reba suddenly awoke with a start as the alarm clock went off, posing as the gun in her dream. Her position on the bed caused her to fall off from the bed when she jumped awake. She landed on the floor with a thud.<br>"Ouch" she complained as she stood back up, she shook her head trying to shake the dream. A silent tear slowly rolled over her cheeks as she prayed Brock would come home soon. He had been gone for a little over a year now and their little girl was growing up so fast. Reba hurried to get dressed, it was 6:30 and she knew that Cheyenne would be up soon. Reba smiled to herself as she thought of her little angel. The blond baby was only nine months old but she already knew how to walk, and would stumble around the house in her socks and diaper. She was saying 'mommy' and 'daddy' and would smile at any picture she saw of her father. Reba finished dressing and went to the nursery. She slowly opened the door and smiled as she saw Cheyenne still asleep, curled up under the blanket that her grandmother had made for her. Elizabeth felt bad for Brock being gone, so she stayed with Reba while Reba was pregnant and until Cheyenne was five months old. Grammy Liz had also made them both quilts, Reba a beautiful red, white, and blue one designed with stars. Cheyenne got one with Winnie the Poo and Piglet on it. The little girl loved it dearly and never slept with out it. Reba's heart felt warm with love for the child and the joy that Brock would see her soon. He was supposed to be back in two months, and Reba was counting down the days eagerly till she could hold and kiss him again. Reba closed the door and walked down stairs and to the kitchen to make some breakfast. She heard the door bell ring and she quickly turned the stove down and ran to answer the door. She slowly opened the door so she could look at who it was. An icy hand gripped her heart as she saw the military car and the man dressed in formal blues. He took off his hat as she addressed her.  
>"Is there a Mrs. Hart at this address?" he asked solemnly.<br>"I'm Reba Hart." the red head answered, forcing her voice to stay as strong as she could. The man looked to her and she knew it was not good news.  
>"I am sorry to inform you that your husband, Brock Hart, has been killed in action..." tears filled Reba's eyes as the words sunk in.<br>"What?" Reba choked out not believing him.  
>"His body is being flown back for the funeral and I was told to give you this." the man stood tall and held out a crisp white envelope, after she took it with trembling hands he could no longer look at the woman as the grief and pain filed all of her features and he could see the strength slip from her like water out of her hands.<br>"Wha... What happened?" she asked. Her voice cracking as she held to the letter waiting to open it, she leaned onto the door for support that her legs were failing to give her.  
>"I was told that he was trapped with five other members from his unit. He held off the enemy gunmen long enough for his team to get out but he was hit by a grenade as he tried to follow them. He passed away after a few days in the infirmary." the man said. Reba felt her strength flying away from her with the tears running down her face. Emotions filled her as everything started to sink in. Fear for what to do next, grief beyond words, sorrow over the fact that her husband and baby girl will never know each other. Brock didn't even know that Cheyenne existed. Pain gripped her heart as she knew that she would never see the love of her life again. She longed for just one more kiss, one more touch or love filled look, just one more 'I love you'. The young man said his goodbyes and left her to grieve, knowing that he could do no more. Everyone hates the messenger.<br>Reba slowly closed the door and mustering all her strength she managed to make it to the couch before her legs gave up on her her hands shook as she reached for the phone on the end table and dialed a familiar number.  
>"Hello?" she heard from the other end of the line after a few rings. Reba cried harder but was relieved to hear her father's voice. "Baby girl I know your number are you ok?" JV asked getting worried.<br>"He's gone, Daddy!" Reba cried, in a broken whisper. She heard him call her mother and then they put her on speaker phone.  
>"Sweetheart what's going on?" her mother's concerned voice filled Reba's ear.<br>"They came and told me that he's gone. He was hit by a grenade! He's not coming back, Cheyenne will never meet him!" Reba cried. Reba stayed on the phone for a few more minutes just crying as her parents spoke and let the new and painful information sink in, but Cheyenne had woken up and Reba knew her parents would call Elizabeth and that they'd all be at her house by the end of the day. Usually she would be dreading having them all together but not now, now she needed them all here. She could not say goodbye to her parents due to the pain and flashes of them also in coffins at the thought of the words, so she said see you soon and went up to get Cheyenne, the first day of many that she'll have to face alone. She had to care for her child and herself now, without the hope that Brock would be coming back soon.  
>A few hours later found a blond baby girl sleeping peacefully in her crib upstairs as her grieving red headed mother sat on the couch holding the white envelope in her hands. Reba sat on the couch debating what the package contained.<br>'He said he died in the hospital so maybe a goodbye letter' she thought to herself. She took a deep breath and opened the package and took out the contents. Another paper slipped out along with a beautiful necklace. She placed the necklace on her lap as she opened the letter.  
><em>'My Love,<br>I know I will not make it home, I was hit to bad to fix. I was going to give you the necklace to make up for missing so much of your life while I was here. But now I give it to you so you'll always have something to remember me by. I just want you know that I love you so much, and if I had any choice I would be home wrapped in your arms right now, but I do not regret saving my team.  
>I die knowing full well that you love me and I need you to know how much I love you. I pray that you'll be able to move on, and live your life to the fullest.<br>I love you Reba, I'll see you again someday.  
>Love,<br>Brock'  
><em>Tears slipped silently and steadily down Reba's face was she sat on the couch with her husbands last letter folded tightly to her heart.

_It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen  
>All dressed in white<br>Going to the church that night  
>She had his box of letters in the passenger seat<br>Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue  
>And when the church doors opened up wide<br>She put her veil down  
>Trying to hide the tears<br>Oh she just couldn't believe it  
>She heard trumpets from the military band<br>And the flowers fell out of her hand_

_Baby why'd you leave me  
>Why'd you have to go?<br>I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
>I can't even breathe<br>It's like I'm looking from a distance  
>Standing in the background<br>Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now  
>This can't be happening to me<br>This is just a dream_

_The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray  
>Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt<br>Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard  
>Then they handed her a folded up flag<br>And she held on to all she had left of him  
>Oh, and what could have been<br>And then the guns rang one last shot  
>And it felt like a bullet in her heart<em>

_Baby why'd you leave me  
>Why'd you have to go?<br>I was counting on forever, now I'll never know  
>I can't even breathe<br>It's like I'm looking from a distance  
>Standing in the background<br>Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now  
>This can't be happening to me<br>This is just a dream_

_Oh,  
>Baby why'd you leave me<br>Why'd you have to go?  
>I was counting on forever, now I'll never know<br>Oh, now I'll never know  
>It's like I'm looking from a distance<br>Standing in the background  
>Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now<br>This can't be happening to me  
>This is just a dream<em>

_Oh, this is just a dream  
>Just a dream<br>Yeah, Yeah_

_**So this is the first one I did without putting the lyrics through the body so I hope yall like it. R&R**_

_**Shout out to **__**iNxC0NCERTx2010**__** I love your songfics and hope to see more soon. **_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

She gets that from me 

_Reba smiled as she and Brock sat on the couch, looking through old photo albums. Reba sat curled into Brock's side as his arm was wrapped around her shoulders and the book sat on his lap. Reba smiled. She was happy, content, and just enjoying the moment. Suddenly she heard an alarm go off from somewhere and Brock vanished. _  
>Reba slowly rolled over onto her back with a groan of frustration. She swung her arm around and turned the alarm clock off. She had to get up, today was Cheyenne's first day of kindergarten. The little blond girl was so exited. Reba smiled as she quickly got dressed. As the red head opened her bedroom door she was greeted by the large smile of the little blond girl who was just occupying her thoughts.<br>"Mommy come on I'm gonna be late for school!" Cheyenne said as she took Reba's hand and led her down the stairs to the kitchen. Reba made up a breakfast of pancakes and orange juice for her and the little girl, as she watched the six year old she once again saw all the likenesses she shared with her father. Cheyenne's blond hair and how blue eyes sparkled with joy and love. It was painful irony that the day school started for her little girl was the same day that Reba got the message that her husband had passed away. Reba was not that far from just holding onto her little girl and not letting her go all day. But she knew that Cheyenne was really exited about school so she had to push those aside for now.  
>All to soon Reba found herself standing in front of the bus stop watching and waving as the kindergarten school bus drove away, with the sound of Cheyenne's <em>'I love you, Mommy'<em> filling Reba's ears. Once it was out of sight Reba slowly made her way back to the now empty house. This was not the first time she had gone throughout the day with out Cheyenne. Due to the fact that Reba did work and Cheyenne had to stay with a setter but this time her little girl was going to school, she would grow and learn so much through out the day. Reba did her routine with a smile; she had to get ready for her job as a waitress in dinner down town. Reba smiled as thoughts of her little angel filled her mind. She grabbed her apron and purse and walked out of the door to her house. It was just a few hours then she would have her little girl back and they would drive down to the cemetery just like they did every year on his birthday and last day. Cheyenne knew that her daddy died a hero and was sad over the loss but understood all the same. Reba was so proud of her. So began the Hart's first day of school.

_**Ok so sorry bout the shortness but I've got this one, Till Death I Promise, Jurassic Nightmare, and I'm working on another one I haven't posted yet. I hope ya'll like it. And I hope to post another chapter but I'm not quit sure. I hope ya'll are liking my stories so far. **_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
>There you'll be<br>_Reba felt she floating. She was as weightless as the wifts of fog around her. Slowly she landed on the grassy ground of a familiar place. The red head looked around but the fog was too heavy to see through. She walked a few steps only to collide with a large gray concrete statue. She turned around to see who the statue was a representation of or for. She gasped and her heart almost stopped as she saw Brock's face carved into the cement. She backed up a few steps. It was a statue of Brock saving his team. His gun was firmly held in his right and is left hand was placed to steady to his shots but something was grasped tightly in his left hand. Reba saw a chain, so cautiously she stepped forwards and got a closer look. There in his hand was the necklace that she had received in his last letter.  
>The locket was open and had a small engraving on the inside. On the right was a picture of a family. There was Brock who was standing behind Reba who was holding Cheyenne on her lap along with another little girl; a little boy was sitting on a man's lap who was sitting next to Reba. It looked like one big family photo. Reba did not know who the other man was but she had a strong feeling that the two other children were hers. The grey carving was intricate and although worn by weather and rain was beautiful. On the left were the words 'I'll love them all. ~ Brock' Reba looked to the locket in wonder. Was this her future family, Reba reached out and just as her finger tips brushed the carved photo the statue started to crumble as the ground around her shook, and a loud alarm blared.<br>_Reba awoke with a start for a second thinking that she was still in the foggy grounds but after a second she groaned and hit the off button on the alarm. She got up with a sigh and rubbed the last bit of sleep from her eyes. Suddenly the door to her bedroom burst open and a seven year old Cheyenne came running in.  
>"Mommy, Mommy! Come on get up, get up!" she called as she ran up and jumped into the bed with Reba. The blond girl jumped up and down on the bed behind Reba.<br>"Hey! I don't think you should be doing that..." with Reba's words Cheyenne stopped jumping and looked to Reba waiting for her to finish. "Without a pillow fight!" Reba said as she picked up one of her pillows and playfully hit Cheyenne messing up her hair. Cheyenne squealed and grabbed another pillow to defend and fight back. So that Saturday morning was filled with laughter, pillow fights, and fruit and ice cream breakfasts. Reba made Cheyenne and herself a bowl of fruit with blueberries, bananas, strawberries, and a scoop of ice-cream. Cheyenne sat down at the table with a huge smile as she ate away at her 'ice-cream' breakfast. Reba also sat with a smile but her mind kept wandering back to the picture in her dream. Who were the other three people? Will she ever meat them or is it just a crazy dream. As Reba pondered her dream Cheyenne talked a mile a minute about school and her friends, and how Van was in her class again and how he would never let her have the ball in recess and how her best friend Cathy was all about her cats, but Cheyenne always sneezed around her. Reba listened to her daughter pushing her thoughts of the dream aside. She could wonder about it later. But now she had a little blond girl to focus on then later a shopping trip for a new pair of sneakers another reminder that her little girl was growing up fast. And Reba would have to learn when to hold on and when to let go.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Scares over cookies

Later that day Reba and Cheyenne were in the girls shoes department of the Wal'Mart. Cheyenne had narrowed the countless choices down to two. A pair of punk sketchers that lit up when she walked, and a pair of pink, purple, white, and light blue, sneakers that had flower designs on them. Cheyenne sat on the floor in the store as Reba sat on the bench. Cheyenne looking back and forth between the shoes trying to decide which to choose. After a minute Cheyenne huffed a sigh and looked up to her mother.

"Mommy can't I just get both?" she asked giving her best puppy dog face. Reba shook her head.

"I'm sorry but you know I only have enough money for one pair. If I had the money I swear I'd get you both." Reba said truly sorry that she hadn't the money for both pairs of shoes.

"Ok, I go with..." Cheyenne paused as she tried to make a final decision. "That pair!" she said the ones with the flowers on them.

"Great choice." Reba said as she put the rejected pair up and took Cheyenne's hand as the little girl carried the box with her soon to be new shoes in them. Reba just had one more thing to pick up before they could go.

"Mommy?" Cheyenne's voice spoke up.

"Yes?" Reba asked back.

"Can I get a new shirt to go with my shoes?" Cheyenne asked. Reba sighed and turned to the girls shirts section. Reba turns to one rack to start looking as Cheyenne goes to the one directly behind her mother. After a minute of shifting through the shirts in the rack Cheyenne looks up to see a free sample stand of chocolate chip cookies. Thinking nothing of it the blond girl happily skips across the lanes to the stand. She gets her free cookie and turns to head back. A cold fear sweeps over her as she didn't see her red headed mother. She was in the middle of the food section and her mother was still in the cloths isle. She held her cookie tight as she tried to find her way back to her mother. Tears slowly built up in her eyes as she couldn't find her.

Reba suddenly realized that the noise of hangers being moved around behind her had stopped. She had been musing over that darned dream again! Reba turned and held back a scream as she didn't see her daughter behind her. She looked to the center of the rack to see if she was only hiding but didn't find her. Panic rose in her, what kind of mother just lost her child? What happened to her baby? Did she just wander off or did someone snatch her up! Reba began to look around calling her baby's name but didn't find her. Tears welled in the red heads eyes also as she couldn't find her child.

Cheyenne now was seated on a wooden bench in the middle of an isle. Her blue eyes rimmed with red as tears slowly and silently slipping down her face, she was so scared yet everyone was too busy to take a notice to the distressed child. Just as Cheyenne was about to give up hope a man stepped next to her and noticed her tear streaked cheeks.

"Hey..." he said softly as he knelt down next her. Cheyenne had learned not to talk with strangers so she tried to ignore him. He sat down next to her and stared at her as she looked to him then her old worn out shoes. "So let me guess, you wandered away from your mother and now you can't find your way back?" the man suggested. Cheyenne looked to him in shock 'how did he know' "you know your mom is looking for you, I know, I've been in your shoes before..." Cheyenne looked to her worn out pink shoes in confusion. The man laughed his brown eyes sparkling with amusement and concern for the girl at the same time. "Not those shoes, I meant I've done that before when I was your age." he explained. "So what'd you wander off for?" he asked the blond girl.

"Cookies..." she whispered.

"Ah good one, mine was a skate board." the brown haired man replied. "Where did you last see your mom?" he asked.

"We were picking out a shirt to go with my new shoes that we're buying." Cheyenne explained, this man didn't seem so bad, and he looked kind.

"Ok you wanna head back there see if she's still there, it's as a good a place to start as any." he said. Cheyenne nodded her head and hopped down off the bench.

"What's your name sir?" she asked.

"Buzzard," the man replied. Cheyenne chuckled. "aw come on that's a great name." Buzzard said jokingly. Cheyenne smiled and slipped her hand into his.

"Mine's Cheyenne." she said proudly.

"Ah, Cheyenne that's a very nice name. So where are your parents?" he asked as they came up to the rack of shirts Reba had been looking through.

"My daddy died a hero when I was a baby and my mommy works down at the diner." Cheyenne said sad that she didn't see her mother in the place she left from. "Mommy!" Cheyenne called into the crowed isles. Suddenly a familiar red color appeared and started towards them.

Reba had been looking for what seemed like forever when she heard a girl cry 'mommy' she turned in hopes to see Cheyenne and there back where she left from was her baby girl. Reba ran up to her not noticing the tall dark haired man beside her. When she reached her Reba knelt down on both knees and held her baby tightly to her with no intention of letting go anytime soon.

"Cheyenne if you ever run off like that again I swear you'll be grounded for months, do you hear me?" Reba said pulling back and looking to the blonde's blue eyes as her hands framed the sides if the little girl's face. Cheyenne nodded her head knowing she was in trouble but just so happy that she's back with her mother. Reba held Cheyenne to her one more time before she noticed the man standing in front of her. She stood and held to Cheyenne's hand as she faced the man. He was handsome with brown hair, soft, kind brown eyes. And a slight smile.

"I'm Buzzard Brooker, found her sittin' on a bench." he explained.

"He helped me back here mommy!" Cheyenne piped up.

"Then I guess I owe you my thanks." Reba said.

"No thanks necessary, knowing you two are back together is good enough for me. Hope to see you two around, but I must be going." he dismissed himself, and walked away with a tilt of his head. Reba quickly made her way to the register and paid for the items before hurrying to the car. All she could think about was getting home. But once she was behind the wheel of her car with Cheyenne safely secured in the back seat. Reba hung her head and thanked the Lord that he sent a guardian angel to help the small family this time.

_**I'm so sorry for the time it took to post this. I find I have a lot less time to write I hope this makes up for the long wait. **_


End file.
